Topics:Offline Dating dating tips, first date

By VictoriaNwosu-Hope

The rules of seduction remain an enigma to many – because they don’t exist… On a first date, there is no magic spell to guarantee success and a second encounter.

Nonetheless, some tricks of the trade do work, whereas other parts of first-date etiquette are just textbook errors…

With a little thoughtfulness, imagination and confidence – alongside these simple strategies and ideas – you can effortlessly ace the first date, and leave with sure-fire plans for the second.

Here are our 15 tips that will help you to have a great first date land the elusive second:

1. Prepare your date – If you want to keep the plans a surprise, at least clue in your date as to what to wear. There is nothing worse than being under or over-dressed. Turning up to a dive bar in a ball gown never goes down well and neither do jeans at the opera.
2. Take pride in your appearance – Whether or not your date can imagine kissing you plays a huge role in their perception of you…and in how the date develops. White teeth, fresh breath, great shoes and unchapped lips all go a long way towards giving that all important good first impression… Generally, just try to look attractive.
3. Give a compliment - It’s simple, it’s important, it works! If your date looks good, tell them. Don’t go overboard though, as you’ll sound insincere or low-value at best and plain creepy at worse.
4. Keep the conversation original and interesting – Do not just talk to your date about work and her music tastes. If she’s ever been on a date before in their life, then she’s already had these conversations on dates before. Be bold, be different.
5. Be positive - Don’t bash your ex, complain about things that are wrong in your life (how your parents never loved you) or tell your entire life story. Appearing baggage-heavy is an immediate turn-off, and can make the date incredibly uncomfortable.
6. Don’t get too personal – You don’t need to grill your date on their deepest, darkest secrets in order to appear interested. Make eye-contact, smile, and be engaging in your conversation. These things are attractive without being overwhelming. Assessing your long-term compatibility can wait. If you decide to continue seeing one another there will be plenty of time to delve deeper. BUT you need to flirt a little and have fun or you’ll never get to that stage!
7. Know your body language – If she touches your arm you know she’s probably interested. When she touches your leg you know she’s probably ready to make it a late night. And leaning away is a textbook bad sign. Waiting the extra 30 seconds at a slight distance after dropping your date off at their place shows you’d like to do more, but would not dream of pushing it. It shows respect, concern for their safety, but also a (very complimentary) sexual attraction. If you don’t already know your body language, start learning it.
8. No wandering eyes – Guys, never look at another woman when you are on a date. If she catches you, it’s over before it even started. Definitely.
9. Be yourself - As long as your online profile was not a pack of lies, this shouldn’t be tough. After all, if things progress, this is the only person you can be in the long run, you may as well let your date see what is to come. There’s a big difference between putting in the extra effort and trying too hard to impress. Don’t try and be someone you’re not.
10. Slow down – If you talk too excitedly, you’ll come across as nervous. Slow your speech down so that you don’t hurry your words and appear more in control. You’ll come across with the most attractive of attributes: confidence.
11. Relax – If you’re having fun, let it show! Crack a smile, laugh, but don’t force it (save the fake laughter for the first time you meet the parents). You’ll alleviate the first-date tension, making you both feel more comfortable.
12. Listen to your date - Open your ears and let them finish when they speak! You don’t have to agree with everything they say. It’s good to challenge someone, but don’t be confrontational. Question things that don’t sound right, have a two-sided conversation and catch yourself if you find yourself talking at – rather than to – your date. No one likes being lectured to.
13. Don’t force the issue – Acting like a horny teenager with one thing on your mind is not likely to get you very far. You are both adults, so just enjoy getting to know each other and see how it goes.
14. Tip well – No one likes a cheapskate.
15. Follow up – If things went well, call your date the next night. Better yet, ask them out as you are parting, giving something to look forward to before they have a chance to reflect on the first date. Do not wait; do not play games.

Just relax and remember: even if you do not come away with a second hot date organized, this is all practice and practice makes perfect. As you get better and better at dating, your first impression rating will soar through the roof and you’ll see that more and more of your dates will be interested in taking things further.

Topics:Data Analysis online dating data analysis

By RoryMcClenaghan

In the last post, I introduced some interesting dating tips that are based on real, hard data but had to cut it short since it was Valentine’s Day, the Super Bowl Sunday equivalent for my girlfriend. But, without further ado, I’d like to present to you the remaining four data-driven dating tips that you really should know…

6. Suspicious minds

So, the date’s all lined up, but you’ve got one worry… it’s your job. You work in insurance. It’s a decent job, sure, but there’s no way of hiding it; it’s dull. Girls don’t go out of their way to look for a guy who works in insurance, so what do you do? Lie? Say you’re an astronaut, or a TV producer? So you take the less truthful route and guess what? She buys it. She eats it up. But then you never hear from her again, she won’t answer your calls, emails, nothing. What went wrong?

She saw you coming. According to a survey by topdatingtips.com, only 22 percent of people think their companion is being completely truthful on a first date. So maybe it’s best to only elaborate on the truth a little bit…

Really, we recommend being completely honest. The truth usually comes out… and thanks to Google search and Facebook, these days it tends to surface even faster.

7. Read between the lines

It seems daters are right not to take everything as gospel on a first meeting, particularly when it comes to online dating. A research study by Jeffrey Hancock from Cornell University found that 81 percent of people lied in their profiles – be it knocking a few pounds off their weight, adding a few inches to their height, or something bigger.

OK, so we probably expect people to lie a little about their vital statistics, but how do we know if someone’s lying in their ‘About Me’ section? According to Hancock people try to distance themselves from their lies and exaggerations, so a profile with very few mentions of ‘I’ or ‘me’ should set alarm bells ringing, as should people who write very little in that section.

8. Visit the ATM before taking her out, guys

There’s no getting away from it, we live in an age of sexual equality. Equal job opportunities, equal wages, we almost had a woman president. But sadly, it seems there is one area the unstoppable tide of equality has not reached – the check.

Topdatingtips.com brings us the bad news – 42 percent of women believe men should ALWAYS pay for dinner and just 11 percent favor going Dutch. Come on girls, always? Really? We’re just asking for a bit of give and take here

9. It’s all about timing

Let’s skip into the future a little for the last one. So you’ve got past the awkward first meeting… a string of dates has blossomed into a relationship and you want to take it a step further? So when do you utter those three immortal little words, ‘I love you’? The advice from Match.com users seems to be that good things come to those who wait… with 50 percent of users (an even split of men and women – there’s that equality again) agreeing that you should wait at least three months before putting your cards on the table.

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So what have we learned on our trip through the murky world of dating statistics? The main lessons to take away are: Always pay for your dating site memberships and look people in the eye, and be ready to spend a lot of money (guys), be lied to, and have sex on the first date (or turn it down) but not kiss.

With all that in mind, go forth and multiply!

… Or just date… your choice.

Topics:Data Analysis online dating data analysis

By RoryMcClenaghan

Let’s face it, dating is war. And just as you wouldn’t go into battle unarmed, you would be a fool to stride unprepared into the lion’s den that is the online dating scene. Here at Virtual Dating Assistants, we’ve done the hard work for you and sifted through the tangled web of dating stats to arm you for the challenges ahead. So if you want to be more John Rambo than John Doe, read on…

1. Put your money where your mouth is…

Picture this: you’re tired of the bar and club scene – shouting over deafening music into the ear of a girl who just nods and smiles as she can’t hear a word you’re saying. This just doesn’t cut it anymore, so you decide to go online. Everyone else is doing it, so why not?

But there’s one catch… all the sites you’ve heard about from your friends and seen on TV cost $20+ per month. But what’s this… a free service? And the girls look HOT! You zero-in on one in particular. You craft the perfect email. It’s smooth, it’s smart, it’s funny, in short – it’s irresistible. And then you wait… Your inbox clicks up one, the reply is in. You open it in a state of fevered anticipation; she must have come up with something special after that email. And here it is: “Hello, me like amerikans. I wld like pls meet u.” Oh man…

As with so much in life, you get what you pay for. So it should come as no surprise that free dating sites are a haven for scoundrels, rogues and scammers. According to a survey by PC World magazine, over ten percent of profiles created each day on free dating sites aren’t what they seem. That’s not to say that pay sites are immune to this problem, but the chances of the stunning 25-year-old girl you’re emailing actually being a middle-aged dude are certainly slimmer.

2. Don’t get fresh too soon (… or should you?)

So the emails went great, in no time you exchanged numbers, talked on the phone and here you are, at the end of the first date. Dinner was great, she loved the little off-the-beaten-path Italian place and a couple of drinks later and you’re at that familiar crossroads. You’re about to bid her goodbye… should you lean in for the kiss or not? Everything’s gone great so far, so why not? Just go for it! Wrong answer! According to Match.com, anyway.

The online dating giant conducted a survey of its members and found that a huge 85 percent believed kissing on the first date was a no-no. But having said that, a separate study by the University of Texas concluded that 30 percent of women who met guys online went all the way on the first date. All we can say for sure is be prepared for anything.

3. Online dating? That’s for losers… isn’t it?

We all know the stereotype. Lank-haired, socially inept… they spend all day on the internet in their room, in their parents’ house. These are your standard internet daters.

Or are they? It seems that view couldn’t be further from the truth. A 2009 study found that the people most likely to use internet dating were “life and soul of the party” types. Think about it, if you hate leaving the comfort of your bedroom to meet people in real life, chances are the idea of exposing your personality to thousands of strangers online is like having that dream where you turn up to school naked. But if you’re a social butterfly in the real world, the prospect of opening yourself up online doesn’t scare you in the least.

4. Where do I put my eyes first?

On a first date, 30 percent of men gaze across the table into their date’s eyes, according to a Match.com survey. Which obviously leads to the question, where is the other 70 percent looking? I think we can make an educated guess… But if you want some good advice, look into her eyes, guys. If women are only used to receiving eye contact on less than a third of their dates, it’s a safe bet you’ll be increasing your chances significantly.

5. Dinner and a movie? No thanks

It’s been the classic date from the dawn of time, since Fred Flintstone first plucked up the courage to ask Wilma out. But it seems we’ve been getting it wrong all these years. Fewer than one percent of users surveyed by Match.com thought a movie was a good idea for a first date. But why not? You sit in the dark for two hours and can’t see or speak to your date. Oh right, that’s probably the reason. Dinner is still on the menu though, with half of the members surveyed picking a meal as a reasonable first date option (not that we’d recommend tying yourself up to someone you met online for more time than it takes to drink a cup of coffee or a beer… it’s up to you, but proceed with caution).

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Alright, we’re not done yet but its Valentine’s Day and we’ve obviously got a TON to do. It has a crazy day and the other half of my own online dating success story is going to kill me if I’m not at her place (with roses and her favorite chocolates, obviously) in an hour. But hold tight, there are four more data-driven dating tips coming soon that you don’t want to miss…

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UPDATE: Check out the next post here.

Topics:Photos online dating photos

By Max Hartshorn

Okay, so in the last post we covered boring travel pics, and that nasty little habit girls have of hiding themselves in their photos. Now, what else is there that annoys us? The answer is, a lot, our indignation knows no bounds We could go on forever about the crazy stuff people post on these sites, but after much picking and pruning, whittling and work-shopping, we’ve managed to narrow it down to just 3 more crucially embarrassing clichés that make our stomachs churn and our hard drives whir futilely in exasperation.

The WAAAAHHHHHH

Yes, you heard us, The WAAAAHHHHHH, or as it’s known in some circles: the crazy party pic. They basically consist of you being drunk (first warning sign), in a club, and screaming. We’re not saying that these are necessarily bad ideas…being drunk, in a club, screaming…hey it might even have made for a fun date. But in the out of context world of online dating these factors have the power to compound and make you look, well…not like a fun date.

All dating sites, just like real people, at some point or another will ask you how much you drink. You know the choices by heart now don’t you: “never,” “occasionally,” “social drinker,” “often,” and “regularly” (aka “total alki”). Nowadays it’s not that common to find somebody who will discriminate against a social drinker, even if they never drink themselves.  For a lot of people though, this can be quite a loaded topic. You’re looking to strike a balance between appearing fun and outgoing, but not come off as an alcoholic or ummm, crazy person.

Unfortunately, The WAAAAHHHHHH (or more appropriately for guys: The WOOOOOOOOO) can skew a guy or girls perception a little too far to the “drinky drinky” side that spectrum. Remember, no matter what you say, pictures speak louder than words. And since profile pictures lack context, and profiles lack information, people will tend to over generalize from them.

The Where Are You Shot

Some people love posting pictures without anybody in them. Other people love playing Where’s Waldo with their potential suitors, cleverly hiding themselves among groups of friends or family. Obviously (you would think) the central element of every photo you post should be you! That’s what people are here to see, not your friends, not some beautiful landscape, not your dog, not even your kids: you. It doesn’t matter if the photos are top notch, even if they’re professional quality, if your photo doesn’t plainly feature you within it, don’t bother posting it.

Remember, this is not a photo album. There may be pictures that are very significant to you personally, but we guarantee you this significance will be lost on the viewer. Try putting yourself in their shoes, how many profile photos do you look through on average when you’re online dating? How fast do you look at them? You probably click through most of them in a few seconds, you have to. Even if the meaning does not depend on some other context, people won’t have the time to appreciate them. You’ve got to think of each of your pictures like you think of your profile. It’s a tiny little mini advertisement for you, not just your looks, but your personality, your attitude. Which brings us to our next cliché…

The Guy Standing Next To His Car (i.e. jack$%@ shots)

This one’s just for the guys here. In general, while girls run the risk of being pegged in guys’ paranoid fantasies as “crazy,” guys risk coming off looking like a “jack$%@,” “d@%&$bag,” or just flat out ridiculous. It’s a real problem. In the unceasing quest to appear confident, successful and alpha, they occasionally go too far.

The Guy Standing Next To His Car pic falls into the larger category of Guy Next To His Expensive Stuff pics. If you absolutely have to show off your stuff at least make sure you’re using it, fixing it, or doing something cool and interesting with it. Just don’t stand there with a cocky grin on your face, unless you’re going for a “so over the top it’s funny” sort of thing (which is really hard to pull off).

Just because you’re not a stereotypical “nice guy” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t appear friendly and approachable. These are qualities that every guy should strive for in their pics. Also, you know what they say about men who drive fancy cars…How can we be sure you’re not compensating for anything?

Okay…now you can all continue posting photos

Topics:Photos online dating photos

By Max Hartshorn

In the good old days of ballrooms and salons, letter writing and Polaroids, it was once said: a picture is worth 1000 words. At Virtual Dating Assistants we judge this to be something of an overestimate, as we have never come across a profile picture so spectacular it warranted a 1000 word reply. In the fast paced, girl/guy-a-minute world of online dating, one could more accurately say that a picture is worth 1000 clicks.

Match.com claims that women are 8.5 times more likely to click on a guy’s profile if it has a photo, and men are 14 times more likely to click on a girl’s. And that’s saying nothing of the quality of the pics. In our own experience we’ve found that having a good variety of well shot, flattering profile pictures can really make all the difference in the world in boosting a client’s response rate.

We’ve also discovered, browsing through literally hundreds of thousands of profiles, that the users are posting the same photos, again and again and again. Call them Jungian archetypes from our collective unconscious if you want…we just call them clichés. And here are the worst offenders:

The Machu Picchu

This is especially prevalent among the Match.com set. A ridiculous number of profiles on this site boast that classic high angle shot overlooking Huayna Picchu and the ruins. Yes, we know there’s a lot you’re trying to say with this pic, that you hike, you travel, you have an understanding of culture and maybe even that you’re slightly spiritual. But all that comes across is: hey there! I’m exactly the same as everybody else!

Okay, maybe we’re being a little harsh here but we do see this pic a lot. Travel photos are a great way to express individuality and uniqueness as they depict you in places people don’t normally go, but they only work if they are unique themselves. And while travel photos of well recognizable monuments can be great conversation starters, there is something about seeing the exact same picture over and over again that puts a bad taste in our mouths. I mean you must have hundreds of photos from that trip to Machu Picchu. Couldn’t you find just one other one that fits the bill

Shots That “Hide Something”

This one’s for girls, and it’s not necessarily a particular shot but rather a pattern we see time and time again: when a girl tries to hide herself in her pictures.

You always hear people talk about women and their secret feminine powers, how they’re experts at sensing emotions, how they can subtly convey their innermost thoughts with a sideways glance, how they magically and instantly will determine if your clothes match. Well here’s one area where men are secret geniuses… telling if a women is lying about herself in her photo.

Guys appreciate honesty. Every profile should have at least one good close up and one good full body shot, at a bare minimum. Many of our male clients will turn down a candidate they may be perfectly attracted to in real life, just because she doesn’t post enough representative photos of herself. But every male client will immediately turn down a candidate if they get the sense she’s hiding something physically in her appearance (ie. that the body type she lists may not exactly match the one she’s got).

We say it all the time, if you are overweight, underweight, tall, short, whatever, there are great people out there who will date you, but the only way to find them is to portray yourself accurately in your profile.

For the record, we’re not really under the impression that girls are deliberately trying to misrepresent themselves in their photos. We get that this practice is more often than not born of a natural shyness to display oneself online, a general shyness when it comes to getting pictures taken, or simply a lack of effort in selecting the right pics. But for whatever the reason, the prescription is simple…don’t do it.

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We’ve still got a lot more to say and a lot more clichés to go over (hey, maybe a picture actually is worth 1000 words so be sure to subscribe to our blog so that you don’t miss the second part of this post. Until then…just don’t take any more pictures.

Topics:Online Dating online dating success, profile writing

By Max Hartshorn

- How Your 7th Grade English Teacher Can Help With Your Online Dating -

Uptight college professors and the cynical elderly who have hazy ideas of what exactly constitutes the “interweb” are constantly complaining about how netspeak (LOL, UR, OMG) among the younger online generation represents the death of the English language. For the most part their complaints have fallen on deaf ears and ROFLs. But there is one corner of the web where a grammar etiquette has developed that is stricter than, well, your 7^th grade English class. Perhaps if these old timey critics were aware of this thriving internet subculture, their faith in the future of humanity would be redeemed…or maybe not. I am talking about (what else) the online subculture that is online dating.

We’ll start by stating the obvious…bad grammar in your profile is a major turnoff. Think of good grammar as the online equivalent of being well groomed. Just like showing up to a date, shaved, shampooed and shellacked, sending a message to a woman that is well written and free of grammatical mistakes shows that you put in a certain amount of time and effort, that you care about your “online appearance” and hence about her.

It also makes you look better, really. Good grammar is the first and most essential step towards not sounding stupid. Even a single error, such as forgetting a preposition, or an obvious misspelling, can throw into question your whole intelligence…and date-ability. Yes, looks aren’t the only thing women can be superficial about.

So what are the dos and don’ts of online dating grammar, aside from a simple spell-check?

Well the truth is… it’s really not that difficult. There’s no need to go out and buy a copy of The Elements of Style. Women don’t really care if you split an infinitive, end a sentence with a preposition, or start one with a conjunction. They don’t care if you use abbreviations, or work in a sentence fragment here and there. In fact, all of these “mistakes” are ones we actually encourage you to make, as they will make your communication sound far more conversational, and conversational is key.

Just like grooming yourself, grammar-ing yourself is all about the superficial, stylistic attributes of your appearance, it’s about making you LOOK nice. Let’s start with the major offenders: the use of its vs it’s, yours vs your’s and we’ll throw in there, their, they’re for good measure. Women see these mistakes so often that many of them will actually warn you about it in their profile. We’re all guilty of them from time to time, but their they’re easy to correct with a proofread…or too two.

Dumb slang will also usually be interpreted negatively. At Virtual Dating Assistants we always say, as a general rule, keep it conversational. Our advice is: unless you are exchanging emails with another person that is using netspeak (yes, if the woman uses a LOL first, then by all means feel free to use it too), stay away from it as it can make you look lazy and immature. As OKCupid says on its blog, “netspeak = fail.” They analyze the use of ur, r, u, ya, cant, hit, realy, luv and wat in online dating messages sent by their customers and found that they all affected response rates negatively (ur being the worst).

It’s a give and take really, because writing too well can also be detrimental to your success, as it may make you look like you’re trying too hard. Like all writing, you need take into account your audience, which can vary from site to site. Plenty of Fish for example, is worlds away from Match.com and eHarmony. The site is much less serious and netspeak is much more common. Although s and s are pretty acceptable just about anywhere

It’ll be interesting to see how these norms develop over the years, particularly when the younger generation (the first to truly come out of the womb LOL-ing) starts online dating. Netspeak could play a larger role in the future, just as different hair styles and fashion styles may become more/less accepted over time. Who knows. But until then remember: “grammar is not a time of waste.”

Topics:Dating Sites dating sites

By Scott Valdez

Sounds like a strange question. But according to eHarmony, 20 million people are currently doing this on its site alone and 236 of them are getting hitched on a daily basis. If we take the company on its word, 2% of the people who were married in the U.S. last year left their romantic fate in the hands of its computerized algorithm.

Many online dating sites include personality tests or at the very least, automatic matching based on common traits as part of their service. But eHarmony made a name for itself by taking things a step further, requiring that all customers fill out its 258 question personality test upon signing up for the service. This “scientifically validated” (notice the quotation marks) test asks questions such as “Do you have a messy room?” and “Do you get angry easily?”

Instead of letting you browse their database (like on Match.com or Yahoo! Personals), eHarmony delivers matches based on the results of your test.

Call it gimmicky…an attempt to add a touch of Yenta-esque charm to what some may perceive as a rather impersonal activity. But eHarmony has grown to become one of the most popular services on market. Inspiring in the process its own slew of competitors and imitators, notably the Match.com spinoff Chemistry.com, who have put their own twist on the company’s hands-on, don’t do it yourself approach.

All these sites employ matchmaking algorithms to match their customers up with potential partners. Thus any profile you view, and any person you contact and meet through their site is first preselected by the company’s software. So… essentially you are being matched up by a computer.

If you, like the increasing number of Americans signing up for these services, are not completely weirded out by the idea, then your next question is probably…  Does it do a good job?

Our expert opinion: Well, um…maybe.

Online dating services are sitting on tons of valuable and fascinating information about dating online and about relationships in general that they refuse to share for business reasons. eHarmony and Chemistry have managed to lure top research scientists with their vast secret coffers of data and virtually limitless pool of “participants,” for the purpose of developing their tests and algorithms. But the details of their process and, more often than not, their general efficacy, remain under wraps.

We know that eHarmony developed its method by surveying 5000 happily married couples and correlating what personality factors led to marital happiness and we know what their tests look like, but we don’t know much more than that. And more importantly, scientists don’t know, as eHarmony’s methodology has yet to be submitted to a scientific journal for peer review.

Matchmaking has a long history of involvement with the mystical and supernatural, all the more reason why a degree of scientific openness is called for now. Among other things, the matchmaker of the past in many cultures would entrust their decision to the stars. A legacy which has certainly not vanished in the digital age… dating sites almost always include astrological sign as a part of the profile and some users admit that it factors strongly into their dating decisions.

But on the other hand we’re not exactly experts at this stuff ourselves. Just a cursory Google of the theory of interpersonal relationships will reveal that physical attraction and simple proximity are two of the top factors behind people meeting and dating in the real world, neither of which correlate strongly with long term relationship success.

In case you’re wondering about the proximity thing, it’s what scientists term the “propinquity effect”: basically the closer you are to a person (both psychologically and physically), the higher a chance you will become romantically involved. Even distances of a few meters (e.g. living down the hall vs. the floor below) can be strong enough to have an effect. That’s right…we’re that lazy.

Regardless of your personal opinion, matchmaking algorithms are not going away. Sites like ScientificMatch.com and GenePartner.com take things even further by matching people based on biological and genetic attributes that have been “scientifically shown” to correlate with relationship success. So the possibilities are endless, the companies…secretive, and the dating pool…more or less acquiescent.

What do you think about this? Would you ever trust a computer to set you up with someone? Are you ready for a world where asking someone out on date might give you an error message?

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If you’ve never actually tried an algorithm-based relationship site like eHarmony, now’s your chance. This holiday weekend (Dec. 30^th – Jan 3^rd), eHarmony users can communicate with their matches absolutely free (no credit card needed). Click here to check it out.

Topics:Profile / Personal Ad dating profile, internet dating, online dating, personal ads, profile writing

By Max Hartshorn

In the last post we talked about two of the most common mistakes women tend to make in their online dating profiles. By now you’re probably thinking: “hey, I’ve got a good variety of photos and a nice and descriptive bio, maybe I’m not so bad at this thing after all.” Either that or you’re mulling over how many movies you can rent on NetFlix for that $40 a month Match.com subscription fee.

In any case, we’re nowhere near calling it a day. There are just so many more offensive profile blunders to tell you about. The first two sins were essentially sins of laziness, and perhaps dishonesty. Now let’s face it people, this isn’t elementary school, being honest and hardworking will only get you so far…you also have to not be stupid

The next three mistakes are far more insidious and subtle than the first two. If you commit these errors, guys may not even realize why they feel turned off. The truth is, there are more ways to fail than to succeed at these things…but don’t worry young padoin…you will learn.

Yeah, I just made a Star Wars reference. You want to hear a guys’ perspective or what? Here’s sin number 3:

3 – You’re Clearly Not Over a Past Relationship

Do you want to know the worst opener you could possibly put in your profile? It’s this one: “I’ve just gotten out of a very serious long-term relationship and I’m still not quite over it.” It’s awful for a number of reasons, yet women keep doing it.

For starters, it’s negative and unconfident…two things you should try to avoid here in general. It also throws into question your readiness to begin a relationship and makes us guys wonder: “Just how damaged are these goods?”

We get that if you are coming out of a big relationship you might have some trust issues, and you want a guy who won’t screw you over, but seriously, all in due time. Online dating is a gradual process and the pathway from profile to partnership is replete with many an opportunity to get to know one another.

We are not saying don’t be honest here. If you’re divorced, please, mention it when the profile asks for marital status (most guys wont mind as long as you leave it at that).

At Virtual Dating Assistants, we are committed to representing our clients as honestly and accurately as possible, but we will always focus on the positives.

Rather than looking backwards towards a past relationship, try and take what you learned and apply it to your dating future. How have you grown from this experience? Are you more mature, wiser, stronger? Show it in your profile. Maybe there are certain qualities in a partner you’ve learned to value. Tell us about them. It shows guys you know what you want and that you aren’t afraid to talk about it.

If you’re not yet able to put your past relationship in this light, then ask yourself, are you really ready for a new one?

4 – You Overuse Clichés

We could say don’t use clichés at all but you wouldn’t follow it. Really, it’s virtually impossible to avoid using any cliché in your profile, since they’re just so darn convenient.

You know what they are. Things like:

“I’m just as comfortable in a little black dress having a night out on the town as I am in jeans and a T-shirt having a quiet evening at home.”

“I love traveling.”

And even, “Insert witty profile headline here.” (that’s right, even commenting on profile clichés has become a bit cliché)

Now to be fair, we are harsh critics. You might be asking: Is it really so bad that profiles use the same lines, over and over? As humans (let alone singles of a similar age living in the same area), aren’t we all more similar than different? And isn’t that what everybody is looking for…a match that shares many of your interests and qualities?

To a certain extent, a profile is written by what you don’t say (e.g. saying you’re into travelling doesn’t make you stand out from the millions of other girls that are…but it does say that you’re not an uncultured loser).

The thing is…you could do better. You could show that you love travelling and that you’re not an uncultured loser by talking about someplace you’ve been, or dream of going. Saying “melted my hiking boots on the lip of a volcano” hints at a great story. It says a lot more than simply: “I love travelling” (and a lot less at the same time). Providing a taste of something greater, but holding back enough to create intrigue opens the door much wider for conversation and commonalities.

5 – You’re Obviously Crazy!

We’re serious here, this one’s important. Girls aren’t the only ones who worry about meeting weirdoes on the net.

You may actually be crazy in real life, or you may just have a very loud / intense personality that you want to show the world. While uniqueness and creativity are always welcome in profiles, remember that you need to appear (at least kind of) normal, even if you’re not looking for a stereotypically “normal” guy.

Online communication is very special. It lacks the body language, intonational features and conversational give-and-take linguists typically refer to as: speech pragmatics. In short, your communication takes place in a radically different context…the context of the internet.

It’s not as if your at a dinner party, where everybody is assumed to be more or less a potential friend. The basic assumption on the internet is that everybody may be a creep. It’s kind of like a bar, without lights (or alcohol), where the music is too loud to carry on an actual conversation, so people communicate with their PDAs…except even less personal. Your eccentricities, rather than being excused as charming, are often magnified or placed in a negative light.

For this reason, while “I looooooooooooooooooove cats!!!” might be cute in person, in profiles it makes us wonder, “Is she some sort of crazy cat-lady?” Same goes for any use of the phrase: “I am looking for my twin flame…” or any new-agey stuff for that matter. And for the love of all that is good and holy do not say “I am crazy” (yes, people do actually put that in there).

This applies especially to jokes and sarcasm. They are often misinterpreted in online communication, so don’t be afraid to use emoticons when there’s any doubt to your meaning Just don’t use too many

…see what we mean?

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It’s been said that “advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.”

Creating a pretty decent online dating profile is not magic (a ‘killer’ one…maybe), it just requires time, thought and effort. Some of the advice we gave here (such as including multiple photos, or a well written bio) may seem pretty basic, and even commonsensical. The hard part is admitting to yourself that yes, it is very important, and actually physically following it.

The truth is, online dating is a lot of work, no matter how you swing it. But if you put in a little extra effort now: take the time necessary to craft a good profile, and take the care necessary to avoid these common mistakes…it will pay off (and save time) in the long run.

Topics:Profile / Personal Ad dating profile, internet dating, online dating, personal ads, profile writing

By Max Hartshorn

At Virtual Dating Assistants, we view a lot of profiles, certainly somewhere on the order of 100s of thousands. When a new dating assistant comes into the office, the first thing they notice after they get a few thousand profiles under their belt is that the vast majority are phenomenally similar. Why is that? Ladies?

To be sure…conveying deep aspects of your personality through a 500 word text blurb and a list of a few favorite books, movies and restaurants is a downright nasty (and in all likelihood impossible) task…but that’s not really the point of a profile is it?

Think about it for a minute…what is the purpose of your online dating profile anyway?

It’s not meant to be a comprehensive list of all your traits and qualities, likes and dislikes…nor is it meant to be a window into your soul. A profile is simply a marketing tool to generate interest. It needs to show:

A) That you’re a normal, date-able woman.

B) That you have enough interesting and unique qualities to stand apart from the rest of the normal, date-able women.

But you already knew all that…didn’t you. You are a normal, date-able woman with plenty of unique attributes that make you stand out from the crowd. Of course guys can sense that. Of course, you’re not part of the vast majority.

Well, this article is your reality check. We’ve compiled a list of the 5 worst, most glaring mistakes women make in there profiles, the ones that pop up time and time again. Are you in the clear? Or are you a profile sinner? If you are you don’t have to worry about being sent to online dating hell…most likely you’re already there.

1 – You Post Only 1 Profile Pic

We’re not even going to talk about profiles that have no photos at all (we assume if you’ve gotten this far you already know better than that). Almost as bad, however, are the girls that post just one tiny, poorly lit webcam shot of their face. Although it is important that your primary photo gives us a good view of your face (no glasses or hats!), you should be sure to post multiple, well-lit pics of your entire body (in different settings) that give us guys a better idea of what you really look like in person (which is important!) and show that you have nothing to hide.

Photos can be a relatively easy way to express yourself and showcase personality. The absolute best profiles we’ve come across show pictures of girls outdoors and in action. A photo of you, smiling and doing something you love is attractive in its own right, a nice counterpart to the “bedroom eyes” close-up. They can even serve as good conversation starters.

On a side note: if you’re overweight, there are plenty of guys who will date you…but don’t think you’re fooling people with that high-angled face pic. Just Google: “fat girl angle shot” and you’ll see that it’s no secret. (Plus, the guys you do fool aren’t exactly going to be ecstatic when they meet you.)

2 – You Say Nothing About Yourself

We know a lot of what people write in their profile is cliché and repetitive but it’s not totally worthless. Even if it’s nothing mind-blowing, writing 500 – 1000 words about yourself and your ideal match shows that you have invested at least some effort and are probably serious about meeting someone (you’re not looking for a pen pal).

200 words is only a minimum, but we can’t tell you how many profiles we’ve come across that look like they’re struggling just to reach that. Some profiles will even say things like: “wow, I can’t believe I have to write 200 words, this is hard!”

We agree…it is hard to write about yourself…especially on the spot without preparation. Most dating sites make the About Me section the last thing to fill out, after you’ve already set up the rest of your profile and just want to get started. So it’s understandable that people might want to just rush through it to get it over with, but that’s the last thing you should do.

A good profile takes time. If you’re not going to hire a service like ours to craft killer content for you, the best thing to do is think about it for a few days, jot down some ideas, then sit down for a couple hours with a cup of coffee and write it all out. Talk to some friends and ask them what they think are your best qualities (or “selling points”). Once you’ve crafted a good 500 – 1000 word About Me section, you can use it for any online dating profile you create in the future.

On the other hand…there’s no need to write the maximum (on most sites 2000 words), most people won’t have the attention span for it. Plus, it may look like you are trying too hard (yes, you’ve got to find the happy balance between someone who doesn’t give a $#!% and someone who takes this online dating stuff too seriously). Also, while we’re at it, could you break it up into paragraphs please?

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Alright, almost halfway there. Now these first two mistakes we’ve mentioned can more or less be chalked up to straight up laziness. The next three have more to do with being careless and not representing yourself in the most positive light. Any guesses? We tackle them in the next post. Check it out here.

Topics:Online Dating direct marketing, first contact email, internet dating, intial contact emails, online dating

By Max Hartshorn

“Coffee is for closers”

Remember that line? From Alec Baldwin’s alpha male sales executive character in the movie Glengarry Glen Ross. While that film depicts the passing of a dying breed of macho American salesman, the quote could not be more relevant today…FOR YOU…the aspiring online dater. Just replace the word coffee with any number of more ’suggestive’ nouns and verbs and you’ll get the idea

There are many similarities between online dating and marketing, and understanding them is the first step towards bettering your game. In this entry we’ll talk about the parallels between online dating and a marketing technique known as direct marketing.

Now direct marketing has a negative connotation to many people… it brings to mind images of telemarketing, junk mail and spam. But don’t worry, you can rest easy. People have problems with telemarketing and junk mail because they target individuals who’ve expressed little or no interest in buying their product.

The main difference between online dating and these other mediums is that here people WANT you to message them. They’ve invested time, energy and in many cases money just to receive your messages. In fact, you don’t even have to go through the tedious work of seeking them out. On online dating sites, the users quite literally market themselves TO YOU!

In the office…the other virtual dating assistants and I often find it useful to talk about our work in direct marketing terms. For instance, the process of sending out the initial contact emails on behalf of our clients is referred to as “lead generation”. We define a “lead” as a person who writes back and does not show any signs of disinterest in the email (since replying to an email on an online dating site generally implies interest unless you express that you don’t think you’re a good match). Finally, a “sale” is when the candidate that our client would like to meet has agreed to meet offline. That’s when I give Catherine, another assistant here, a fist pound and say something like “ABC…Always Be Closing baby” (well, not really).

But it’s more than just a set of terminology. Envisioning online dating as a form of direct marketing puts a whole new set of tools at your disposal… tools that will give you an edge over the vast majority of the other online daters out there.

A simple example is the use of a CTA (call to action). Any two bit direct marketer knows that if you want to move a potential customer towards a sale you need to present them with some sort of easy, “low risk perceived” behavior to act upon. It could be anything from a “click here” to a “try this” to a “call now” but it has to be simple, and is best if it’s fun.

Then why is it that so many online daters neglect to include one at the end of their message? Could you imagine a telemarketer calling you, talking to you about a product and then just hanging up the phone without even asking you to do anything? Yet the average online dater does this all the time. Here at Virtual Dating Assistants, we generally try to end our emails with a question that stimulates and challenges the recipient’s imagination, but is at the same time fun and easy to answer.

But this is just the tip of the iceberg. In later posts we’ll talk about this and other direct marketing strategies in greater detail, backing our claims with real empirical data whenever possible.