Online dating is faster, easier, and better than pounding the streets to find ‘the one’, right? Not necessarily. In fact, many find online dating doesn’t live up to its billing. Instead of success they get unexpected trials, tribulations and ultimately frustration. So what’s the problem?
We have one word for you: picky. People tend to be pickier when online dating, and we are going to discuss one of the “Principle of Pickiness”:
Online dating is for scouring, not sampling. You need to meet for that…
Predicting what people are like from their online profiles is like trying to guess what a packaged meal tastes like by looking at the ingredients and nutritional information. That’s according to Dan Ariely, professor at Duke University, head of the eRationality research group at the MIT Media Lab. and author of “Predictably Irrational” (2009) and “The Upside of Irrationality” (2010). You might get an idea of what it will taste like, but only by trying it will you know for sure. Just as only by meeting your matches will you really know what kind of chemistry you have.
Sometimes You Need to Think Outside the Box
Ariely has researched the concept of “people as experience goods” and isn’t surprised that people are left disappointed by their experiences on the net. He says: “Online dating frequently fails to meet user expectations because people, unlike many commodities available for purchase online, are products which must be sampled: Daters wish to screen potential romantic partners by experiential attributes – such as sense of humor or rapport.” Unlike religion, income and marital status, these aren’t just boxes to be ticked. Someone who is funny to some people may be a complete bore to others.
Online dating sets up meetings that otherwise may never have happened, almost lending fate a hand. The frustration comes from the difference between the amount of time spent on screening online and the number of ‘sampling’ opportunities (dates) which come out of it. A study by Ariely’s research team found that online daters spend an average of 5.2 hours per week searching through profiles (using the searchable attributes available such as age, income, and education) and another 6.7 hours writing and responding to e-mails. And the payoff? Just 1.8 hours of offline interaction. That’s a ratio of nearly 7 to 1; hardly seems worth it for the amount of time you put in.
So how can you shift the balance?
One answer is to re-evaluate the weight you are placing on the minor details of your search. So the girl doesn’t have a dog, but you’d really like it if she did…she COULD still be a great date…but you won’t know unless you get in touch and arrange to meet. Don’t linger too long on the particulars; it is not time well spent. Breezing through online screening may sound erratic, but being overly picky only results in fewer dates. Ultimately, these are your ‘sampling’ opportunities, and they should constitute the real selection process, which is far more enjoyable than sitting in front of your computer screen.
Another way to shift the balance: have someone else do some of this tedious online work for you. Simply hire a team of experts like those here at Virtual Dating Assistants to handle the searching and manage the interactions for you 
Keep your eye out for the next part of this blog where we’ll look at the second ‘Principle of Pickiness’.
This is so true… I know too many friends who browse a ton of womens’ profiles, but only reach out to the select few who have every single tiny thing they are looking for. Then, they are surprised that they never go out on dates. I’m going to pass this post along!
I completely agree that it is critical to be picky. what I DON’T agree with is that someone else could scour through those profiles for me. Part of that process is a very complex and subtle “reading between the lines” that occurs. No computer, and no one besides me can do that. Particularly if you have a great deal of experience in looking at profiles, you know how to create better matches. Now, I do think an assistant could potentially narrow it down to fewer candidates from which I would pick the ones to actually date.